Over the past 20+ years, my journey has traced a path from leaving the Catholic Church to gradually rediscovering my faith. Along the way, key moments and decisions shaped who I am today. This is a broad framework for that transformation, which I plan to explore in greater detail later.

1. The Seed of Grace (Ages 16–18)

Between the ages of 16 and 18, a seed of grace was planted within me, though I was completely oblivious to it at the time. My upbringing in the Catholic Church followed a standard path: baptism, First Communion, and Confirmation. By age 18, however, I was ready to leave it all behind. I had my own plans and ambitions, and I wanted to pursue them free from religious constraints.

Oddly enough, despite years of attending Mass, Sunday school, and various sacraments, nothing stuck with me. I couldn’t even remember my confirmation name until a couple of years ago when I looked it up. It turned out to be Saint Nicholas.

Still, there was one thing I never forgot: a homily from my late teens. The priest had asked,

“Why do we speed up at yellow lights when we’re supposed to slow down?”

For reasons I couldn’t explain, that question stayed with me. It would cross my mind every time I came to a traffic light. I didn’t understand why it resonated, but it did.

2. The Era of Autonomy and Unbound Living (20s)

Through my 20s, I lived life on my own terms. I kept things together at work and in school, but outside of that, I had no boundaries. My social life, my private life, it was all unrestrained. Eventually, though, the lack of structure started catching up with me. By my late 20s and early 30s, I saw how my personal life was affecting my professional life.

I imposed boundaries, which helped for a while. Over time, however, those boundaries turned into walls. My values and beliefs became entirely my own, what I thought was right, what I thought was best. And I was resolute. I wouldn’t bend, wouldn’t compromise. In time, that rigid worldview isolated me.

3. Self-Imposed Order and Rigidity (Late 20s to Early 30s)

By this phase of my life, my beliefs and values had become increasingly extreme. I saw my refusal to compromise as a strength. But over time, I began to realize that my unyielding nature came with consequences. It created tension in relationships, led to isolation, and made me question the foundation of my convictions.

While my values were not inherently bad, they were disconnected from any deeper truth outside of myself. They were sharp, yes, but sharp in ways that cut me off from others. I was holding onto them tightly, but without realizing it, I was being prepared for a reordering.

4. Crisis and Questioning (2020)

When the COVID-19 pandemic hit, everything seemed to unravel. Working in education, I watched as cultural and societal shifts crept into the system. I began to question not only the state of the world but also the rigidity of my own beliefs.

I turned to history for answers, immersing myself in the study of medieval times, Viking culture, the Anglo-Saxon period, and WWII revisionist history. While fascinating, this exploration left my deeper questions unanswered. I Why was the world so divided? And why had I grown so rigid in my own thinking?

5. Reintroduction to Catholicism (2021–2022)

During this period, I began to reconnect with Catholicism, initially through intellectual engagement. My exploration of history and cultural questions led me to discover Dr. E. Michael Jones, a Catholic historian and commentator. I first encountered his work on a podcast, and his unique blend of historical analysis and Catholic teaching caught my attention.

For over a year, I immersed myself in his commentary. His writings introduced me to new perspectives on the Church’s role in history and the moral challenges of the modern age. This intellectual engagement reignited my interest in Catholicism and stirred a deeper curiosity about the faith I had once left behind.

Eventually, however, I realized his work, while insightful, was not enough. It served as an important bridge back to Catholic thought, but I needed something more personal and transformative. This realization deepened my desire to explore not just the intellectual dimensions of Catholicism, but its spiritual and moral truths as well.

6. Isolation and Reflection (2022–2023)

During the 2022–2023 school year, I was working as a high school teacher in Tennessee. As part of pre-planning, I was asked to take the CliftonStrengths assessment, a personality test designed to identify key traits and behaviors. Normally, I dismissed such exercises as unimportant, but this time I took it seriously.

The results were unsettling, they described me so perfectly that I couldn’t ignore them. They highlighted my strongest traits, showing me how I was wired for conviction, independence, and an intense focus on my personal beliefs. At first, the results validated me. I used them to sharpen my already rigid values and beliefs, reinforcing the walls I had built around myself. Instead of leading me to greater understanding, they amplified my extremism, pushing me further into isolation.

This phase left me deeply conflicted. While I gained insight into myself, I also saw how these traits had contributed to my isolation and inflexibility. It became clear that something had to change.

By the end of the school year, I realized I could no longer remain in education. The direction things were heading no longer aligned with my values. I left my position without a clear plan for the future. This decision led to a period of isolation, an exile of sorts, though I didn’t recognize it as such at the time.

In this stripped-down environment, away from familiar routines, I turned inward. I began studying the early Church Fathers, Catholic thinkers, and moral theology. It was during this time that I encountered the concept of obedience, not as blind submission but as an act of aligning oneself with truth. I reflected deeply on how I had been disobedient, not only to God but also to the moral order He had established.

7. The Ripple Effect of Obedience (2023-Present)

One day, I returned to that homily’s question from so many years ago: “Why do we speed up at yellow lights when we’re supposed to slow down?” I decided to take an intentional step toward obedience. I resolved to follow the speed limit for the next two miles.

It seemed small, almost trivial, but it felt important. That simple act of obedience created a ripple effect within me. From that moment on, my perspective began to shift. I saw the world with a new clarity and order, one that I hadn’t experienced before.

Catholic teaching emphasizes that faithfulness in small matters opens the door to greater things (Luke 16:10). That small decision was about more than following a traffic law. It symbolized a deeper surrender to God’s will and a willingness to align my life with His truth.

Summary

Seed of Grace (16–18): The homily planted a question that stayed with me, marking the beginning of God’s work in my life.

Era of Autonomy (20s): Living unrestrained, guided only by my own desires.

Self-Imposed Order (Late 20s-30s): Developing rigid values that isolated me.

Crisis and Questioning (2020): Searching for answers in history and struggling with the state of the world and myself.

Reintroduction to Catholicism (2021–2022): Engaging with Catholic thought and rekindling my faith.

Isolation and Reflection (2022–2023): A period of solitude where the CliftonStrengths assessment initially reinforced rigidity before leading to deeper self-awareness and a rediscovery of obedience.

Ripple Effect of Obedience (2023-Present): A small act of obedience became the turning point for a reordered conscience and a deeper alignment with God.